Thursday, June 07, 2007

Which country in South Africa?

Dear Boeta Derek:

Ummm ... I have some puzzling questions on foreign policy for your expert ass.

(1)Why do some loud-ass Americans assume that Africa is a country? (2)Why do these same f*ck-wits also think that the Motherland is one big jungle? (3)What the hell was Mandela thinking when he called Blair a "friend of Africa." (4)And, should we assume that Mandela knows that Africa is not one big country attached to the ass of the West ...?

Please get back to me on these pressing queries. Also, would this map below be a useful tool for unlearning idiocy? No?

Anyway, so let me tell you about my day.

So there I was sucking down coffee just up the street from Cinema21 in Portland when I runs into a former student of mine. I recognized him but could not remember his name. Turns out he remembered me just fine but could not remember which course he took from me.

We chat and the inevitable topic of "what the hell are you doing in Portland?" comes up. So I go into automated excuse mode and talk about India and South Africa. The brother looks at me kinda confused and says "But you ain't Indian right?" "No I'm South African bra" I reply.

"Oh for real, which country in South Africa?" he continues. Ummmmmm ... I wanted to say Brazil but man what the hell is the use.

Anyway I have a favour to ask of you. It seems that I forgot to feed my giraffe before I left. Would you be a great friend and look in over my hut and see that she has some feed?

Also, please make sure that our neighbour's lion stays the hell away from her. I have had a word with them about that damn lion. They never seem to feed it and once over the summer it tried to kill my giraffe.

Speaking of which, did you ever find out who poached your rhino? Did you file a case with the authorities or is this just one of those Africa things? I would file a case bra Derek. It could be a great white warrior from America who shot your rhino. You know how they come to Africa and shoot sh*t on a regular basis? See these two examples: Murderer1 and Murderer2.

These two white South Africans help American heroes who need to kill wild animals in Africa. They guarantee a good shoot and this is what they charge.

Do you know what it costs to shoot a Black person these days? Or is that outlawed now?

Oh yeah for the biggest two murderers this side of Africa click here.

Anyway, holla back and let me know if you can look in on my giraffe. I will forever be greatful. Oh while you are there can you check to see if my hut is OK too?

By the way, I have been back in the US for almost three weeks now and I am yet to see any Indians. I wonder what American cowboys like John Wayne did with all the Indians?

Beste wense boet. Bly lekker in Africa.


ps. will holla at you from Mexico next, that's the country that Americans treat like we treat Zimbabwe ;0)


Tony said...

I would have checked up on your giraffe, but the neighbour's f*kken lion is on the prowl again. I've been holed up in my hut for more than a week now - and as you know - the toilet is outside!!!


Ridwan Laher said...

Damn Tony ... hope your bladder holds up man! Sounds uncomfortable but this sh*t happens in Africa everyday. I'll ask my boy Derek if he can swing by and bring you a p*ss pot of sumthen.

Hold it in till then man ;0)


Dione said...

I loved this posting! So much passion, so much anger at 3:00am :)or is this blog still on SZ time? Anyway,
Please concider sucking down a coffee with me at this time in the morning. We can meet at the 24 hour coffee shop, in darkness. I'm a late night person and could have some spirited converstations at this time. A little adventure in PDX.
U have fun in Mexico. Be good, ;)

Ridwan Laher said...

Geez Dione they have a 24 hour coffee shop in Portland? And I'm not even going to ask how and why you know this :0)

Anyway, I plan to sleep through the wee hours.

Right now I am looking at Moto Guzzi brochures. And when Tony reads this he won't need that
pee-pot I promised above :9(

Got to get to Mexico one way or the other ... and a red Italian motorcycle may just be the dreaming I need for tonight.

Be well and lay off the coffee after midnight will ya ...!


miranda said...

I was captivated by your lecture during fall term of my freshman year at Portland State so I occasionally will google your name just to see if you've commented or written any articles. I feel like I've hit a gold mine with your blog. I am extremely intrigued with your views and I feel slightly creepy for finding your blog and reading it as religiously as I do.

Rest assured, I am aware that Africa is a continent and not a country. Unfortunately, I think that may be the least of your worries... now that I have come off as a crazy person.

Ridwan said...

Hi Miranda!

Wow it is nice to hear from you. Thanks for looking in on my blog. I really do appreciate it ... and no you do not "come off as a crazy person."

What are you up too? Still in PDX? Holla if you can.

Thanks again for writing. I'm honoured.

Be well.