Monday, September 05, 2011

It's Still Hip 2b Square ... Dammit!

I decided to take a detour through downtown on my way to gym this morning.  I fired up the hatchback and turned on my current fixation with Hall & Oates in defiance and rolled.

Somewhere in the middle of Jones Street, which is the center of Kimberley's CBD, I glanced sideways at the reflection of my car in a department store window as I waited for a light (robot) to change.

Then it hit me.  I'm caught in the f*cking 80s!  My Citi Golf is an 80s design.  Hall & Oates belting out "Adult Education" is so 80s.

And my hair? Slicked back with a sterling silver hoop in my left ear!  So 80s and Wham too.

What the hell happened?  And I am not even stressing about that comment below dissing my 80s sounds :0)

So I started thinking that maybe the 80s was not so bad (revisionism you may scoff).

I spent most of it in the US.  My boys Mark and Flynn and I would take off between semesters at Towson University and hang out in Ocean City chatting up hunnies, or rather trying hard to do so.

It was a time of fluff but it was cool.  Both Mark and Flynn are Jewish brothers and I can't remember us ever talking about a Muslim-Jewish alliance between us.  We just hung out and competed for hunnies.

Ummm ... What?  

I won of course.  Both of them are married.  Suckers.

By the time I was staring at some teenage kid bench pressing twice as much as I can in the gym it occurred to me I have been going through a midlife crisis since the close of the 80s.

I can't remember much from the 90s.  Can you? 

So here I am.  Missing the 80s and fiercely defending my right to be a doos defined by the 80s.

And so yeah ... laugh all you want.  Ummm Tony you betta be having my back here .... so I am gonna say it loud and somewhat proud:


"I'm working out most everyday and watching what I eat"

Ps: Now why am I having visions of muscle tees, Jordans, my black v8 Pontiac TransAm, and that smokin' Tantric sex woman who looked so good in skin tight Jordache jeans in Baltimore.

1985 Pontiac TransAm
I feel tears welling up.  My life is so much less now ... damn broer I may have to grow my mullet back and pack out my acid wash jeans for consolation ... they probably don't fit ... ahhh damn I hate what the decades since have done to me ;0)

I wonder what that Jordache jeans woman is doing now?

If you reading here by chance ... geez I'm sorry for being such a jackass then and I hope you have forgiven me by now ... for real (ummm if you can still fit into those jeans ... OK I won't be a jackass, again ;0)

I feel somewhat deflated now :(

I live with my moms and blog for fun.  I'm 47 going on 22.  And the word "laid" in my vocabulary is only used in reference to what chickens do ... aaahhh damn!

Ummm ... it's really is not Hip 2B square and living in the 80s

I feel slightly fragile



Erica said...

The 80's were the best!! Huey Lewis and the news & Hall and Oates? You make me want to get out the cd collection!

Man your not the only one stuck in the 80's.

And they still make Jordache jeans!!

I wish I had a time machine!!!

Kweli said...

Man, you had me laughing at this one, especially the mullet bit.

If you think you got it bad, try walking around Portland and spotting these young 20somethings walking around looking like they just time traveled from the 60s and 70s (they don't do the 80s that well). There is something really awkward about talking to a woman who looks like a time period piece. Plus the whole time I'm always wondering just how much specialized (read: lots of time) shopping and getting ready in the morning it takes to look like that :(

Ridwan said...

Hey Erica:

Ummm ... if I bought you a pair of classic Jordache jeans would you go riding with me in a black Pontiac TransAm?

Or at the very least turn up the tunes and dance around your living room?

Man that would be close to a religious experience.

A second coming if you will ;0)

I gotta go before and turn up the Hall & Oates live with Eddy Ruffin of the Temptations at the Apollo (you have that CD right?).

What these Lady Gaggaz know huh?

I should tell you that I have been looking to buy a black 1988 Pontiac TransAm here in Rainbow Hell.

Here's to seconds and the 80s!


Ridwan said...

Kweli I know those folks.

Have you been to a spot called "My Father's Place" on Grant Avenue?

Boet you gotta go check that place if you need a shot of weird.

Gothic meets the sixties on most days.

But don't be shocked if I tell you the talent there is deep ... so play some too ;0) it helps the white women with their race guilt if you know what I mean :0)

Be good now.


Anonymous said...

Thorn stuck, hey?

And I'd say something smarmy, except I met an old friend this weekend and we both started singing along to Rick Astley
*hangs head in shame*

(Btw...remember that ad on TV- a coloured guy singing along to some 80's music on the beach and saying to his friend- man those times were great, wish I could go back...and then he got abracadabrad into a dinky speedo and a policemen was escorting him off the hallowed whites only....?)


Ridwan said...

Hey Rick Astley was cool in the 8os. Big voice, little man.

He is making a come-back I read somewhere.

I remember that add. It was funny.

Ummm ... I have decided to live in the 90s from today ... do you have any idea what that should look like?

And if you conjuring up memories of primary school ... you so wrong, again.


Peace little sista,

Aasia said...

Nothing wrong with the 80's. Still the best sing along stuff ever! Dressing...not so much. The 90's for me though were the awkward years but I still love em.

Dont be hating. if you feeling that slicked back, hoop in the ear, rock your freak out!

I prefer it!

Tony said...

Do you know how relieved I was to hear that it was "h2bs". BUT there were sooooo many chicks that didn't get that memo in the 80's. Damn them...oh, oh and to them and all virgins I say:"Thanks for nothing."

Ridwan said...

Hey Aasia:

Thanks kindly for your comment. I feel empowered now and will take your advice.

I'm gonna turn up the 80s :0)

Please remind me about the 90s though. What was going on in that decade?

Terms like "generation x" and "yuppy" ... what else?

I think they were my invisible years cause I was caught up in graduate school till 1997.

What were you doing and listening to?

Trust you are well.


Ridwan said...

Hey boet you got some unresolved 80s angst :0)

I have a boat load too. As you can tell.

I was kinda holding out and hoping that the Jordache woman would be reading and call me.

Yeah it is that dry in the "Y".

So we so 80s ... if we moved into the 90s what would that look like?

Oh yeah, some of those virgins from back in the 80s are still so now ... believe me ... I saw a few at the mall ;0)

You should not be so upset boet - trust me ne :0)

Be good Tony,