This morning I reminded the momster that I had no work related stuff on my plate till later this afternoon.
"You need to go with me to Game today because I want a new phone system for the house and I don't know how those things work."
"Oh no problem Fatima but can we do it on Saturday."
"Listen here Ridwan. I said today. I go to town on a Wednesday and Aunty Mavis goes with me because we get a ten percent pensioners discount at Game."
As we walked into Game my head starting spinning. The place was packed with pensioners looking to get their ten percent discount on.
Choosing a phone turned out to be harder than I imagined.
"Moms can you see the numbers on this one? It has a nice back light to make it easier."
"Ridwan can't you see I am talking to Aunty Beatty? Come over here and say hello."
I walked over and the aunty planted a big fat kiss on my grill leaving a smudge of red lipstick: "Are you still studying my boy?"
"No he is not studying Beatty. He is not young anymore."
"But is he married? Where is your family my boy?"
"Ummm I am not married Aunty Beatty. And I don't have kids that I know of."
"That's not even funny Ridwan. He always plays the fool Beatty.""
I walked away thinking I'm caught in a damn episode of The Golden Girls.
"Why are you taking so long? Just choose a phone." "I am having difficulty moms is there an asisstant?"
"Young man come over here. Can't you see we need help?"
As we walked out of Game my head was pounding and it grew worse as we shopped for close to three hours.
Somewhere towards the end we walked into Fruit & Veg and the momster started choosing this and dissing that from aisle to aisle.
The she put her stuff into an old white man's trolley and I had to retrieve it with an apology.
"Did you not see that it was not our trolley Fatima." "Well how should I know? It looked like ours."
We arrived home for a late lunch and I knew the after-match analysis was going to be thrown down.
"Beatty looks so sick. Her sister looks better. Mavis will only buy seeded brown bread. I told her the seeds will break her dentures. But will she listen? Oh no. Old people can be so difficult."
"She is five years older than you Fatima."
"So what? You think I am old? You think you won't get old. It happens to everyone. One day you think you all that and then you not. Like this floozy coloured girl I saw in Pick & Pay. She had a too tight skirt on and was falling out all over the place. I gave her a dirty look and she got out of my way. Talking loud on the phone like we need to see her. Muslim girls dress appropriately. And they can look fancy too. I saw this young woman with a headscarf and she looked beautiful."
"Oh I saw her too moms she was Indian right?"
"What does it matter? She was Muslim and looked respectful not like that floozy blocking traffic in the aisle. Some women sell themselves short and think it is fashionable. Men just end up using women like that."
"It will take about 12 hours for the phone to charge before we can use it."
"Why? Can't they just make a phone that works. And they say that life is better with technology. In the old days a phone was a phone and not a camera. Now it is a tape recorder and a DVD or CD or something. It just makes no sense."
My head hurts something fierce.
Somewhere in the three hours above I was standing in-between Aunty Mavis and the moms in a pharmacy helping them decide between brands of denture adhesive.
What the f*ck happened to cool Ridi? I had the other game once.
Man I really miss my dad something awful today.
C'est la vie.
Ps: "Is this really what life's about ... ?"