Saturday, September 10, 2011

Mangiare, Mangiare, Mangiare ...

My boy Tony called from Melbourne last night and we talked for about four hours about this and that and, of course, getting fat.

What?

Men talk.  And we talk about getting fat and losing weight.  Well right after we talk about real women and getting laid, and about imagined women and getting laid, and then getting laid some more in the future and in the past and doing so despite being fat.

Geez you really should know these scientific facts by now!

AnyHowze, Tony started to tell me how to go about losing some of the weight that is creeping up on me.

His advice stems from his experience and I am very happy for him ... really.  ;0)

Well, to be honest, I need advice.  My routine to stay fit and keep off the pounds is ... ummm, failing miserably.

My workout routine started to falter about a month or more before leaving whiteville.

And so here I am unfit and struggling and worried that living with the momster is gonna mean more chubby forever.

I have used a version of Tony's diet before. He waxed inspirational and lyrical about how it has turned his life around and I admire his willpower and want his results.

It was not until later in the evening that I remembered the ad below and doubt entered my roller-coaster head.

After a few minutes of washing some biscuits down with assorted soda pop I realized Tony was wasting his time.

He needs worms.  Me too.

Sanitized tapeworms, that is, and then we can eat all the damn pizza we want and wash it down with a Coke float or three.

Remember those?  Coke and ice cream floats  ... my childhood favorite and a Sunday staple at number 11.

So Tony, you my boy and all ... and I am happy that you svelte and the envy of the women in your lift-club and social circle ... well OK not so happy but more envious ... but I think you should ditch the workout routine and low carb lifestyle and swallow worms ... and a grip of them with perhaps a wash of Tequila and lemon on the side.

It is the way to go. See ad for results!

One problem though, where the hell do you buy tapeworms of the sanitized kind?

Aahhhhhh damn ... why do I feel like Pick & Pay does not stock tapeworms and even if they do ... bet it is not Halal.

Geez ... you think I am gonna be pudgy forever now? .... please help me


Onward!

Ps: Ummm Tony ... I'm still the thinnest of all the fat dudes from our 80s circle ... honest.  Boet is it hip2bsquare and fat?

Oh yeah I didn't think so ... dammit this sucks big time!

***

Image Credit (Dunno but  help me)

10 comments:

Erica said...

The important thing is that you're healthy. Keep it up at the gym, it will all work itself out.

Nothing wrong with a man having a little meat on their bones....more to cuddle. ;)

You're just fine the way you are....tape worms and all...

Ridwan said...

Aaahhh thank you Erica :0)

I feel a ton better already.

I trust you are well this day.

Holla,
ridi

Kweli said...

I'm going to be laughing all day at the thought of halal worms. There's someone somewhere working on it, Ridwan.

Ridwan said...

I think you probably right Kweli.

I am watching CNN drum up the terrorist threat for tomorrow.

It is amazing can of 'worms' this scaremongering.

I trust you are well boet.

Peace,
Ridwan

Kweli said...

I am well brother. Hope you are also. I've been having lots of conversations like the one you and Tony had: "imagined women and getting laid." Those are the best ;o)

Dade said...

Send some of those worms my way, Ridwan. I need 'em.

:-)

Ridwan said...

Hey Kweli I am well brother.

Have to talk less and do more in just about anything - but hey what is new.

Have a great Sunday brother,
Ridwan

Ridwan said...

Hey brother Dade.

I am working on it brother. I expect there is a whole grip of us who needs some the sanitized worms.

I trust you are well Dade.

Peace,
Ridwan

Tony said...

I rushed out to the supermarket to get worms and all types goodies like melting middles, chocolate ice cream and (the only thing that I eat from Maccas) a few mud muffins. NO WORMS!!!! WTF? No mud muffins for me till Saturday then.

Tony wept.

Ridwan said...

Tony I share your dismay. We have a solution and can't find the means to put it in play.

And Dade is on board too!

I was standing at the intersection of Waterloo and Green Street yesterday when I saw your dad drive by.

I thought he really does not need to hear about worms and I promise when I bump into him and explain I was not one of his students but a friend of his delinquent son I will not mention worms.

But even if I do I could just segue into talking about the government.

He may be fooled, no?

If you find the worms please do holla!

Peace Tony,
Ridwan